A Father’s Perspective on the Spiritual and Moral Upbringing of Preschool-Aged Children and the Qualities He Hopes to Develop in Them
God, where do I start? There are stereotypical things that, by unwritten law, every father is supposed to teach his children. I mean the classics, like teaching my four-year-old daughter Eva to ride her bike without training wheels, to swim without flotation devices, and to understand that four in the morning is not the best time to tell me she needs to go potty. I also have a son, Alexander, who is 2.5 years old. I’d rather teach him, when he gets a little older, how to kick a football properly and (though I know it’s impossible) try to turn him into a Manchester United player.
Deep down, I’m just a boy myself, so I understand my son. But the issue of Eva waking up at four in the morning definitely needs to be addressed.
On a more serious note, there are moral qualities that I really want to instill in my children, but I’m not exactly sure which ones to choose from the vast list of possibilities. The thing is, the more I think about it as an adult, the more I lean towards the idea that children are right—they already know plenty about these qualities. You see, they are born with them. Children enter this crazy world, which is literally packed with problems, filled with a wonderful purity, happiness, and innocence. They don’t hate anyone (well, maybe they hate sleeping through the night), and they have a marvelous sense of curiosity and a desire to learn. It’s quite likely that as children grow, their minds fill with more and more information, which on the one hand enriches them, but on the other, affects them in various ways. Unfortunately, this means their best natural qualities often diminish or disappear altogether over time.
As they grow up, children learn more about differences in religion, race, gender, the importance of relationships, and society. I want to teach them not to rush into letting go of all the wonderful qualities they were born with. I don’t care if I can teach them to become promising athletes or brilliant mathematicians—I just want to teach them to be kind, happy, never to judge another person by the color of their skin or their beliefs, to follow their faith, and to support the person they truly love in everything.
But how can I achieve all this with my children? As a father, I know all too well that children look at me questioningly and imitate much of what I do. They just need me to show them how to act safely, what they can and cannot do, and how they should behave. My behavior, the words I say, and my beliefs about the world in which they grow up are passed on to them. And I must show (which I always do) my attitude toward this, that everyone we encounter in life is considered equal by me. I’m not foolish (despite my ridiculous hair) and know there will be obstacles along the way. Negative experiences, interactions with different people, and the experiences they gain while in school will all influence their thinking. And there may come a time when they won’t want to bother the old man at all, and I’ll end up as “free taxi on call,” but as long as I have a real influence on my children, I want to teach them kindness and respect.
If I can do this, then Eva and Alexander’s chances of becoming kind, happy, and considerate young people will increase, and I will know that my efforts as a mentor were not in vain.
These are truly important things in the moral upbringing of a child, but I still hope someone will tell me what to do about Eva’s infamous 4 a.m. wake-ups.